Okay, I just got the idea for this when I heard the song on the radio. I thought, "Wow, that song would so fit Professor Snape!" I was so inspired, I decided to do this immediately. I'm not sure if these are in the "right" order, but all the words ARE here, and the rhymes match up, so it's all good for now. Please don't write me nasty letters about how I mixed them up.
Disclaimer: I don't own Severus Snape. He is the property of J.K. Rowling. I also don't own these lyrics. They belong to Dr. Seuss, may we never forget him. And I must add that I am simply appalled at what they did to "The Cat in the Hat."
You're a mean one, Mr. Snape.
You really are a heel.
You're as cuddly as a cactus,
You're as charming as an eel.
Mr. Snape.
You're a bad banana
With a greasy black peel.
You're a monster, Mr. Snape.
Your heart's an empty hole.
Your brain is full of spiders,
You've got garlic in your soul.
Mr. Snape.
I wouldn't touch you, with a
thirty-nine-and-a-half foot pole.
You're a vile one, Mr. Snape.
You have termites in your smile.
You have all the tender sweetness
Of a seasick crocodile.
Mr. Snape.
Given the choice between the two of you
I'd take the seasick crockodile.
You're a foul one, Mr. Snape.
You're a nasty, wasty skunk.
Your heart is full of unwashed socks
Your soul is full of gunk.
Mr. Snape.
The three words that best describe you,
are, and I quote: "Stink. Stank. Stunk."
You're a rotter, Mr. Snape.
You're the king of sinful sots.
Your heart's a dead tomato splot
With moldy purple spots,
Mr. Snape.
Your soul is an apalling dump heap
overflowing with the most disgraceful assortment of deplorable rubbish imaginable,
Mangled up in tangled up knots.
You nauseate me, Mr. Snape.
With a nauseaus super-naus.
You're a crooked jerky jockey
And you drive a crooked horse.
Mr. Snape.
You're a three decker saurkraut and toadstool sandwich
With arsenic sauce.